Ed Faces
by Fellow dork
Summary: A new girl comes to the culdesac, and the Kankers have a big suprise up their sleeves. Now you know where Hannah comes from!
1. The boys

"But Eddy!"

"What is it now?"

"You can't do that!"

"Why not?"  
Double-D puts a hand to his forehead, sighing. "Eddy, the whole point of selling balloon animals is to _fold_ the balloons! You can't just make a false excuse!"

Jimmy whimpers and turns to Sarah at his side. "I don't like worms, Sarah!" He whines, dropping the long balloon onto the ground. Sarah clenches her fists and steps toward Eddy, growling like a wildcat. Eddy gulps, backing up slowly. "Sarah..? Uhm…"

With perfect timing, Ed runs onto the scene, tripping over his own feet, falling onto his face, and improbably digging up a huge slab of pavement. Lifting his head, now flat, he grins goofishly, standing up. "HI GUYS!" He yells, waving. "Hello baby sister." He says sweetly, only to have his face brought back to normal with a sharp whack on the back of the head.

Eddy steps past Sarah and jumps onto Ed's chest, pulling his collar with both hands. "ED! The scam's been going for an hour, no thanks to you!" Ed's grin falls. "Eddy, I was looking at the big truck at my house!"

Sarah blinks. "Big truck? You're lying, Ed. I'm telling mom!"

Double-D puts a hand to his chin while the siblings bicker, musing. "A big truck? It couldn't possibly…EDDY!" He shouts, grinning wildly. "We may have a new addition to the cul-de-sac!"

Eddy, now down on the ground, turns to look at Double-D. "Say what?"

"A new kid, Eddy." Double-D says blandly. "If my prediction proves to be correct, the big truck could possibly be a moving truck, bringing another potential friend."

After another moment of silence, Double D sighs. "A new sucker, Eddy."

"Why didn't you say so!" Eddy asks loudly, rubbing his hands together. "Let's go see the new sucker, gentlemen."

Eddy runs off, closely followed by Double-D, and then by Ed, leaving Sarah and Jimmy behind, the former still fuming and the latter still whining.


	2. The girl

At the house next door to Ed's a small girl slides out of the moving truck. Wearing a dark blue sweater that covers all but her fingertips and blue jeans, she walks onto her new house's lawn, leaning against the wall. She plays with the pockets of her jeans and stares at her untied black and white shoes. With a small shake of her head, she flips back the short brown hair covering her thick glasses. Full lips parting, she begins to sing, a clear, beautiful voice flowing out around braces. "_Nobody understands me, although I wish they would. Nobody understands me, I hate being misunderstood! Nobody understands me, no matter how hard I try. Nobody understands me, and I can't understand why._" Sighing, she sits down and pulls her knees up to her chest, folding her arms on top of them and laying her head down. "Why'd they move to a cul-de-sac with no kids?" She groans, burying her face in her too-big sleeves.

Down the street a little way, the three boys run towards the truck at a gallop. "THERE IT IS!" Ed yells happily, pointing.

"I see it, Ed." Eddy says annoyedly, rolling his eyes. "I ain't blind."

"Eddy." Double-D scolds, wincing as Ed runs straight into the side of the truck, making a dent that looks just like his face.

At the noise, the girl lifts her head, telltale red streaks leading to her eyes. With a sniff, she stands and brushes herself off. Walking toward the truck, she peers around the corner, humming.

While the girl was moving around the corner of the truck, the Eds had time to pull Ed out of the truck, no easy feat. "Well, now that that's done," Double-D pants. "Let's find the owner of this truck and apologize."

Eddy giggles, having been laughing at Ed's misfortune and the blank look on his face as he sits on the pavement, staring at the girl's face looking around the corner.

Beginning to really sing as Eddy and Double-D walk towards the truck, the new girl steps back as they round the corner.

Stopping in their tracks when they see her, Double-D, Ed, and Eddy, all listen to the girl's sweet voice.

_"I was walkin' along, mindin' my business, when out of an orange-colored sky…flash!"_

Looking at Double-D, she gives him a smile.

"_Bam!"_

Turning to Eddy, she offers him a smile too.

"_Alakazam!"_

She finishes by looking at Ed, returning his quizzical look with a grin.

"_Wonderful you came by…"_ She trails off, clasping her hands behind her back politely. "Hi." Her voice is now quiet, and she flushes a little.

The boys stare at her a moment before Double-D steps forward, holding his hand outward cheerfully. "Greetings! May I be the first to welcome you to our humble cul-de-sac. I'm Eddward, but feel free to call me Double-D. This is Ed," He says, nodding to the boy, who has now gotten to his feet. Ed grins HUGELY and waves behind his head. "HIYA!"

The girl giggles, waiting for the boy in front of her to finish. "And this," He wraps up, his eyes going to half-lids. "Is Eddy." Eddy smiles suavely and raises his eyebrows, gripping his collar.

She smiles brightly and grasps Double-D's hand, shaking it firmly. "It's a pleasure to meet you three. I'm Hannah. I thought I was the only kid around her for a minute." She says sheepishly, pulling her hand behind her back again.

Suddenly, Ed leaps forward and wraps his arms around Hannah, picking her up in a rib-crunching hug. The girl's eyes cross behind her glasses and she lets her tongue flop out of her open mouth with a giggles. Ed looks up at her and laughs. "You are our pal forever!" He says happily, laughing. Hannah laughs along with him, wriggling her arms out of his grasp. "Yeah, Ed. Friends forever." She agrees, wrapping her own arms around Ed's neck and hugging him back until he turns blue and drops her. Landing on her feet, she straightens her sweated before looking at the other two Eds, who are gazing at her with astonished expressions. "What?" she asks innocently, shrugging.

After a moment more, Eddy steps up, eying her from his tiptoes. "Listen, girly. I'm the main man around here, and if you want to be making trouble, you're gonna have to answer to me." He says, stepping back and turning his back, a haughty look on his face.

Hannah blinks, then walks around to his front. "Main man, huh?" She asks. "Whom are you main man over?"

Eddy blinks, looking unsure. "…Uh…just everyone in the cul-de-sac. They all know to answer to me." He finally returns sharply. Double-D follows this remark with a sigh and a roll of the eyes, folding his arms and tapping his foot.

Hannah glances at him before making a melodramatic bow with one hand behind her back and the other out in front of her. "My humble apologies, your highness." She says without even a hint of sarcasm in her voice. Turning just so, she reveals to Double-D crossed fingers behind her back. Stifling a giggle with one hand, Double-D turns away to hide his laughter while Eddy smiles haughtily. "Thank you." Looking at Ed, he hits him on the back of the head. "Take a lesson from her, monobrow. She knows how to treat royalty like myself." He says before swaggering off. Ed blinks confusedly before following his friend like a puppy, drooly tongue and all.

As they walk off, Hannah turns to face Double-D, laughing along with him. "Is he always like this?" She asks between giggles.

Double-D nods. "I'm sorry to say, but he can be very narcissistic at times."

Hannah nods, rolling her eyes. "Narcissistic indeed."

Double-D blinks, surprised, then smiles. "I'm used to having to explain myself, that was very good!"

Hannah shrugs. "I used to be called the smart one where I lived."

Double-D looks astonished. "As I am here! I have a feeling, Hannah, that we will be good friends.


	3. The candy

A while later, the girl and the three boys walk slowly down the sidewalk, Double-D pointing out every house and who lives there. After a moment, they stop and Hannah sighs. "What do you guys do for food around here?" She asks.

Eddy begins to drool, his greenish tongue falling almost to the ground. "Hey Hannah…got any loose change burnin' a hole in those pockets?" He asks, drool almost up to his ankles now.

Hannah clinks. "Uhm…I do have some money…what do you want?"

Eddy grows excited, clenching his fists and vibrating. "Only the best candy in the world! Come on!" He shouts loudly, racing off down the sidewalk. Ed follows him with a yell of "Yippie-ki-yay, candy today!" Double-D follows them both with a groan, and Hannah follows them all, head bent down to look at her feet and arms pumping at her sides.

A few minutes later, the friends stop at the candy store, Hannah and Double-D panting like dogs. Eddy presses his face to the window of the shop right away, drooling once again. "Look at 'em! Ain't they beautiful?" He swoons, sighing dreamily.

Hannah presses her own face and hands to her glass, her eyes going huge behind her glasses. "I sure do! DAAAANG!" She breathes, gaping. "How much are they?"

"Just a mere quarter." Double-D answers, smiling blissfully.

Ed falls to his knees beside Hannah, clasping his hands at her waist and making his eyes huge and cute. "Oh pleeeeease, Hannah, buy us some? Pleeese?" He pleads, making Hannah laugh as she pulls her face away from the glass. "Sure, sure. I'll be right back."

Upon seeing the girl enter the store, Eddy turns and gets a devious look on his face. "What a sap! She's buying us all jawbreakers!"

Double-D shakes his head, folding his arms. "I fully intend to pay her back, Eddy. This is her first day here, she doesn't need to be spending all of her money on us."

Groaning at Double-D's comment, Eddy begins to pace and rubs his hands together, and Ed, having fallen onto his stomach as Hannah walked away from him, begins to play with a small pebble on the sidewalk.

After what seemed like years, Hannah exits the store, holding four bright red candy orbs. Holding the door open, she smiles as Jonny and Plank exit with two white orbs similar to the ones Hannah holds. With a wave and a call, she walks to the boys. "Bye Jonny! Seeya Plank!"

The boys stare at her with wide eyes as she licks one of the candies. "What? Do I have something on my face?" She asks, tossing a candy to each of her friends before wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. Eddy's eyes go huge and he grins upon catching his candy, and he tosses the candy into his waiting mouth. Ed licks the candy a couple of times before, with a splash of drool, he shoves it into his cheek. Hannah watches them with wide eyes. "Dang! You guys must have tongues of steel!" She remarks, giving her candy a bigger lick.

Double-D stares at his candy, switching it from one hand to the other and looking at the former, which is covered with a fine red powder. "That's odd…" He mutters before looking up at Hannah. "What kind of jawbreakers are these?"

Hannah blinks, breathing in sharply and fanning her mouth with her free hand. "Jawbreakers? What're you talking about? These are the biggest fireballs I've ever seen!"

"FIREBALLS?" Double-D squeals, looking at Eddy and Ed, who are now sitting straight up side-by-side on the pavement. Smoke pours out of Ed's ears and nose, and he holds huge chunks of the pavement in his fists. His eyes water and tears pour down his cheeks, his mouth twisted into a frown.

Eddy is the worse for wear, however, his hair being on fire, his face bright red and boiling hot, smoke pouring out of his ears similar to Ed, and when he opens his mouth to fan it, his tongue is bright red instead of it's usual green.

Rushing over to her friends, Hannah whimpers, prancing back and forth between each foot. "Oh gosh, oh gosh, I'm so sorry! This is entirely my fault! Here, let me make it up to you!" She yelps, dropping her fireball and running back into the store.

Double-D gently sets his fireball down on the sidewalk, surreptitiously giving it a backward kick as he steps up to his friends. "Are you alright, gentlemen?" He asks, glancing behind him to see the orb rolling peacefully down the sidewalk and away.

Eddy's eyes overflow with tears as he tries to speak, but can only make choking noises. Ed blinks, suddenly perfectly normal. "Eddy sounds like the Aardvark killer machine sucking his unsuspecting rabbit boy victim dry!" He shouts, flapping his arms and making strange growling/slurping noises.

Bother friends stop and look at him in disbelieve, the awkward silence being broken by Hannah rushing out of the store once again with three real jawbreakers.

Shoving one in Eddy's mouth hurriedly and handing the others to Ed and Double-D, she sits down beside Eddy with a thud. "Goodness gracious…" She gasps, running a hand through her hair and looking around for her fireball. "I am so sorry, you guys. I thought you were talking about the huge fireballs, not jawbreakers…where's my candy?" She asks, raising an eyebrow at the boys.

Double-D gulps, a bead of sweat running down his head. "Oh dear..." He whimpers, glancing over his shoulder to see two fireballs rolling down the sidewalk a long ways away. Looking back at his friend, he adjusts his hat, and then taps his fingers together nervously. "I must have made a mistake…I apologize."

Hannah stands, shrugging. "Oh well. I guess I'll go _back_ in and buy a jawbreaker."

Eddy, panting, looks at her, and, with drool leaking out of the corner of his mouth, speaks. "You won't regret it, but you will regret breathing when I get ahold of you!"

Hannah, standing and walking to the store door, blinks and turns to face him. "I thought royalty had people to do that for them!"

Eddy stands up quickly, clenching his fists and growling. "Why I oughta…"

Hannah yelps and scoots into the candy store again, shutting the door quickly behind her.

Double-D frowns, putting his hands on his hips. "Eddy please…" Stopping himself, he puts a hand to his forehead. "Eddy, she's new. Please at least _try_ to show her some love and understanding."

"_Love and understanding._" Eddy mocks, fanning his hands on either side of his head. "Sheesh, Sockhead, you sound like a girl."

Double-D growls, clenching his fists at his sides. "Don't try me, Eddy."

Ed blinks, having been watching his friends with a confused look on his face. Looking at Double-D, he smiles, clasping his hands at the side of his head and batting his eyelashes. "Aww, Double-D has a nose for a girl!"

Double-D flushes, looking nervous. "T-The expression, Ed, is eye for a girl…n-not nose." He corrects, now fiddling with the hem of his shirt.

Eddy laughs. "Well, you got BOTH for Hannah!" He teases, pointing at the embarrassed boy.

Double-D shakes his head, fuming now. "I do not! Have you ever seen me have feelings for a girl other than Nazz?" He demands.

Eddy snorts. "Yes."

Ed cuts in, giggling. "Right now, Double-D!" They both begin singing the old rhyme about K-I-S-S-I-N-G, much to Double-D's chagrin.

After this had gone on for a while, Hannah exits the shop, a huge jawbreaker in her cheek. The boys stopping when she gets near then, she sits on the sidewalk beside Double-D. "You were right, Eddy, this candy is great! Hey Double-D, why're you all red? Is it too hot out here?" She asks, shading her eyes and looking up at the sun.

Eddy elbows Double-D in the side as she says this, and he responds with a small "ow."

Hannah ignores it, looking back to her friends. "So…uhm…are there any other kids here besides you three?" She asks, curious.

Ed leaps to his feet excitedly. "Lots and lots! I will go get them for you, friend." He says quickly, galloping off down the street.

As he leaves, Hannah watches him with one eyebrow raised. "Lots and lots? How's he going to get them all here?"

"He has his ways…" Double-D sighs.


	4. The friends

After waiting for about 5 minutes, Ed runs up with his cheeks bulging and his arms full with Jimmy, Sarah, and Nazz. Double-D, Hannah, and Eddy all stand up, Double-D examining Ed's cheeks. "Ed? What do you have? Spit them out!"

Ed looks disappointed, opening his mouth and unrolling his blue tongue to reveal Kevin, Rolf, Jonny, and Plank, all covered in drool. Jonny laughs wildly as Kevin and Rolf fall to the ground, Kevin fuming and Rolf just looking confused. "Whoo, that was some ride, huh buddy?" Jonny says gleefully, jumping off of Ed's tongue.

Hannah waves, giggling. "Hey Jonny."

The group is silent for a moment until the girl laughs again. "I couldn't have said it better myself, Plank."

Kevin and Rolf stand up, Kevin growling. "What is this? Dork, you're gonna pay for drooling all over me!" He raises a fist, standing up on tiptoes to shove his face in Ed's face.

Ed backs up a few steps, looking a little freaked out as he pulls his tongue back into his mouth.

Hannah folds her arms, her eyes narrowed at Kevin. "Hey, that's not nice. Leave him alone!" She shouts, stamping a foot.

Kevin whips around, glaring at her. "Big talk from a puny new girl." He snarls, walking up to her. When he stands in front of her, his eyes look down to meet hers and her eyes travel up to meet his.

She smiles wryly, then giggles. Kevin looks confused. "What're you laughing at, Dorkerella?"

Hannah shakes her head. "Nothing, just a song. I'm Hannah, but you can call me Hanna-rella, if you want." She teases, making a mock curtsey much to the delight of Rolf and Jonny, who both start laughing.

Rolf leaps to the girl's side, giving her a hearty whack on the back. "Who-ho! This new Ed-girl knows the importance of the verbal joust! Welcome." He says, bowing.

Hannah, recovering her balance from the slap, bows back. "Thank you." She says politely, smiling.

As all this is going on, Double-D and Eddy look at each other. "Ed-girl?" They mutter in unison, both looking quizzical.

Jimmy and Sarah both come up to Hannah after Rolf backs away with another boy. "We're next door neighbors!" Sarah says, smiling sweetly.

Hannah smiles back. "That's so cool! Who do I have the pleasure of meeting?" She asks, looking back and forth from Jimmy to Sarah.

"I'm Jimmy!" The young boy pipes up, grinning.

"Sarah." She says plainly, stepping closer to the girl in front of her and clenching her fists. "Listen. If I ever catch you snooping around my room or Ed's room, you'll be eating dirt through those wires, got it?" She snaps.

Hannah backs up, accidentally running into Ed. "Who's she? Your sister?" She whispers up to her friend.

Ed nods, looking forlorn. "Yep. She is my sweet baby sister."

Jimmy slowly walks up to the two, putting a hand on Hannah's arm as he glances over his shoulder at the now retreating Sarah. "Don't take it personally," He whispers. "She can't find her dolly and suspects foul play. I'm taking her to pick flowers later, so her mood should be better by this afternoon." He nods once, winking at the girl and then skipping off.

Hannah blinks, smiling. "He's a cutie." She mutters, stepping forward and away from Ed. Focusing her attention on Nazz, she smiles kindly. "I like your clothes." She says.

Nazz turns away without saying a word, walking off.

Hannah blinks, sighing and running her fingers through her hair. "That was nice." She says sarcastically.

Jonny and Plank shrug, then suddenly Hannah and Jonny both gasp. "PLANK! Goodness gracious!" Hannah puts a hand to her mouth after she speaks, looking shocked.

Jonny chuckles, blushing. "He's a kidder, Hannah, don't mind him."

Hannah puts her hand down, nodding. "Okay, that just scared me for a second!"

Jonny cheerfully waves as they walk off. "Seeya on the rebound!"

"Adios!" Hannah laughs, waving back.


	5. The Kanker surprise

Walking back to the cul-de-sac a few minutes later, Hannah puts her hands in her pockets, asking, "So, was that all of the kids? There really are lots!" She grins, looking at the boys on either side of her.

Double-D gulps, looking at Eddy. "Well, there are three more girls, but we try to have as little contact with them as possible."

"Why?" Hannah asks, looking concerned and confused.

Ed bites his lip. "'Cause they are mistresses of make-out, grody gross girls, EVIL!" He yells, covering his face.

Hannah looks at Eddy, one eyebrow raised. He just groans, looking at the ground with a scowl on his face. "Worst girls ever."

Hannah looks at Double-D, tilting her head to one side. "Why're they so mean to you?"

He sighs. "Hey aren't mean, per se. Far from it. They are much too friendly." Hannah stays silent, waiting for him to go on. After a moment, Double-D takes a breath and continues. "Their family name is Kanker, which I think is very appropriate." Hannah nods, agreeing silently. "Each of us is a crush of one of the three sisters. They constantly pursue us and…" He shakes his head, gulping. "We all thought our first kiss would be more enjoyable than it was. We've tried everything, even reverse psychology!"

Eddy butts in, digging his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, but they just reverse-whatevered us back."

Hannah nods, looking at the ground. "Ooh..That's gross. I hope I never meet them."

"TOO BAD!" A husky voice suddenly rings out from behind the fence on the friends' left, making them all stop with huge eyes.

"Yeah, too bad, cause we have arrived!" A whiny, high-pitched voice says from about the same place.

Hannah brightens up, looking hopeful. "Jimmy?" She asks.

Double-D hurriedly claps a hand over her mouth. "Excuse me." He whimpers, looking around him worriedly.

"Get ready for some lovin'!" Another voice says next, a bush on their left. All their heads whip around to see, the boys beginning to shake.Suddenly, they stop dead as a new, unfamiliar voice shatters the quiet. "Get ready for good times!" The voice is low, very gravelly, and, surprisingly, _A BOY'S_.

Hannah whimpers, her knees knocking together. All of the frightened children huddle together in the street, Ed's arms wrapped around all of them and his head pressed into Eddy's back with his eyes shut tightly, Eddy's fingernails in his mouth and sweat pouring down his face, Double-D's one hand on Hannah's mouth and one arm around her waist, and both of Hannah's hands on Double-D's holding her mouth shut.

All too soon, the girls emerge, Lee and Marie hopping over the fence with a horrifying giggle, May and the owner of the boy's voice popping out of the bushes. All four stand in front of the trembling group.

"Hiya boys!" The girls chorus, waving and giggling. "We heard there was a new girl and just had to come and meet her!" Lee exclaims, looking at Hannah.

Hannah blinks a bit confusedly, still grasping Double-D's hand.

"Don't forget about me, sis." The boy pipes up. All of the kids look to him as he speaks, getting a good look at him for the first time.


	6. The brother

A smug, but almost flirty look on his face, the boy stands like someone who is very sure of himself. A sideways baseball hat sits on his head, covered in camouflage print. His eyes are wide, but somewhat very accusing. Three freckles dot either side of his face, lining up with the messy spikes of purple hair emerging from the sides and front of his hat. An orange hoodie with a dark red 16 and lightning bolt sits on his frame, the back of his neck covered with the black hood. Baggy blue jeans lay in folds around his legs, almost covering all of his tan shoes. His hands shoved in the pocket of his hoodie, he raises an eyebrow as he smiles wryly at Lee.

"How could I forget you?" She says almost dreamily, flashing him a smile before turning back to the friends before her. "This is our brother, Dana. Dana, this is-"

Marie running into her and pushing her off of the path cuts her off. "He's actually my brother. He's their half b-"

She is cut off too, this time by May head-butting her to fall in a heap on top of Lee. "He's our brother too, right Lee?" She says fiercely, snorting.

Lee nods, pushing Marie off of her and standing up and clenching her fists. Dana quickly steps in between them, holding them apart. "Ladies! You know how much I love being fought over by you, but not in front of company!" He says, gesturing to the shivering group of kids in front of them.

Hannah grips Double-D's hand harder as the girls hug their brother. "Yeah, good idea!" May says lovingly.

Marie nods, along with Lee. Dana smiles, hugging his sisters back. "Now, introduce yourselves." He says.

The girls nod and smile, stepping forward. "I'm Lee Kanker." Lee says, fluffing her hair with one hand.

"I'm Marie Kanker." Marie says in turn, giggling and wriggling her fingers in a wave.

"And I'm May Kanker!" May says, looking at Ed and smiling shyly.

"We're the Kanker sisters!" They chorus, moving closer to the group.

Hannah gulps, blinking. Moving Double-D's hand off of her mouth and holding it at her side, she speaks nervously. "I'm Hannah." She mutters, looking at the ground.

Dana raises both his eyebrows, looking interested, and smiles. "It's a pleasure." He says with a small hint of sarcasm, his smile widening to reveal a missing tooth on his right side.

Hannah doesn't notice, however, but just holds on to her friend's hand. Ed lifts his head, staring at the boy. Dana stares back at him, then quickly turns his back on them, pulling his sisters to him and beginning to speak in hushed tones.

The friends split up, standing in a line. Hannah looks at the boys on either side of her. "What are they doing?" She whispers, very nervous.

Eddy shrugs. "Beats me. They always do weird things."

Ed nods, looking dazed. "Yep."

Double-D frowns, looking puzzled. "He's Marie's blood brother? Then why are their voices on opposite wavelengths?"

Hannah looks over at him, shrugging. "Maybe the dad's voice gene is recessive in Marie and dominant in Dana, and the reverse for mom's voice gene."

Double-D looks at her, his eyebrows raised in surprise. "Quite possibly! That was very good!"

Hannah smiles, blushing a little. "Thanks."

Eddy rolls his eyes. "Gah, you guys sound like a pair of lovebirds! Well shut up and pay attention, we got a bigger problem here!" He says the last a little worriedly, staring as the Kanker sisters and brother break apart and stare at the friends.

"Since Dana and Hannah are both new," Marie starts, giving her brother an admiring gaze.

May glares at Marie, her arms folded, as Lee finishes. "We thought they could do explore the cul-de-sac together!"

Hannah's eyes go huge and she shakes her head fiercely. "Nuh-uh! No thanks, The Eds have already shown me around!"

Marie frowns, clenching her fists. "What do you mean? Dana's going to show you now!" She snaps, Dana stepping forward. He quietly grabs Hannah by the shoulders, pulling her away from the group before she has time to react. "Let's go." He says suavely, leading her away.

After a few steps, Hannah suddenly snaps around, grabbing his hand and twirling him in a fast circle. "Don't even try it, jerk. I'm onto you." She says harshly, backing up with her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

Dana, recovering from the spin, looks angry for a moment. Quickly moving back to her side, he lets his eyes drop to half-lids and speaks softly. "Onto me? What am I doing wrong, darlin'?"

Hannah pushes him away, making a disgusted face. "_Darlin'_? Ew, that's so premature. I'm leaving, 'hun.'" She says sarcastically, turning back to where her friends had been standing. The street stands empty, a scrap of paper blowing in the breeze the only sign that humans had ever been there.

Gasping, Hannah whirls around to face Dana, her eyes narrowed.

"Whassamatter, girly? We played fair." Dana says innocently, shrugging and slipping his hands in his pocket of his hoodie.

After a few seconds, Hannah suddenly explodes, singing at the top of her lungs and advancing towards Dana. "You cheated! You all cheated! I can't stand you, you're so mean, you can be so obscene…"She whirls around, striding angrily off in the direction of the cul-de-sac. "That's called, the Tango: Maureen." She sings over her shoulder, speaking afterwards. "Study up on it, loser!"

Dana watches her run off, muttering to himself with malice in his voice. "I have, girly. Let's dance a tango to-" He stops, pointing to his shoes and smiling evilly. "At least you'll have tangoed at all."


	7. The plan

Running back to the cul-de-sac, Hannah skids to a stop in the middle, wondering which was Jonny's house. After a moment, she risks it, the thought running through her head that the boys were probably getting kissed by now.

Knocking on the door of the nearest house with a shudder, she prays to see a friendly face.

When the door opens, her mouth does too, ready to speak. She quickly shuts it afterwards, her eyes traveling up to meet Kevin's down-staring ones.

"What do you want, dork?" He asks impatiently.

Hannah folds her arms, sighing. "I got the wrong house, sorry. I just need to know where the Kankers live."

"The Kankers? Aren't the Dorks your friends?" Kevin asks, leaning against the doorframe boredly.

Hannah rolls her eyes. "Yeah, and they're more friends than you'll ever be. Just please tell me already, it's life or death." She says dryly, her eyes half-lidded.

Kevin sighs, pointing dully. "Down the lane, take a left, straight. Their trailer is blue."

"Thanks!" Hannah says brightly, giving him a smile and turning to leave.

Kevin shakes his head, shutting the door. "Whatever." He mutters, walking up to his room.

Hannah, looking over her shoulder, shakes her head. "I wonder what's bugging him." She muses, jogging off down the lane.

In the forbidden trailer of doom, the seemingly forgotten Eds shiver violently, Ed speaking quietly. "What do we do, guys?"

Double-D answers with a frightened squeak, hearing another yell come from outside the closed door. Eddy bites his lip, suddenly wincing. "Ed! Get off!" He hisses, his friend having grabbed him in one of his famous hugs. "They're gonna hear us!" He yelps.

Double-D nods, covering his eyes. "Yes, and the small walls of this closet won't do much good to keep us safe…" He whines.

Outside the closet, Lee stands on her tiptoes in the living room, facing Dana. Her hands on her hips and her mouth pulled down in a fierce frown, she yells once again. "DANA! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO KEEP HER AWAY!"

Dana folds his arms, staring calmly at his sister with one eyebrow raised and his head slightly tilted back. "Now, now, sis. I didn't lead her here, she ran in the other direction." He says soothingly. "Besides. She offered to tango, and you know how I tango."

May laughs, snorting. "Yeah, that's how we got that dent in the wall, huh Marie?"

Marie nods absently as Lee punches May in the face with one quick jerk of her arm. "Yeah, yeah." She yawns, painting her nails.

Dana leans against the wall, looking deviously at the pictures his sisters had drawn of themselves and the Ed-boys. "So. These guys don't look so great. What do you see in them? And what do I get for being such a good big brother and helping?" He asks slyly, looking in Lee's direction.

Lee shrugs, flopping down on the sofa and making Marie's paintbrush flip up and hit her in the face.

With a splat, it hits the girl's eye, leaving a red splot that actually goes well with her green eye shadow. But Marie obviously doesn't seem to think so, for both hands fly to her eye, and, with a high pitched shriek, she leaps off of the couch and races around the trailer, running into things and all the while keeping up the siren-like scream.

Lee groans, jumping up and beginning to chase after her sister while yelling "soothing" comments like "Slow down, you'll break somethin'!" and "Quit wrigglin', stupid!"

May yelps, running to the phone. "Slow down Marie! What's the number for 911, Dana?" She squeals, hopping up and down.

Dana's eyes drop to annoyed half-lids as his sisters go crazy around him. With a sigh, he blows the small tuft of hair poking out of his hat up. "I'll go see about Hannah." He says blandly, walking to the door and letting it slam shut on the chaos behind him.

Hiding behind the fence surrounding the Park n' Flush trailer park, Hannah watches warily as Dana walks out of the trailer. Listening to the tumult from inside, Hannah winces as she whispers to herself, now looking at the ground. "Ow. I wonder if they're okay…"

Dana suddenly steps in front of her, smiling so his missing tooth shows. "They're fine. That's just my sisters being idiots. But I'm sure that when they get the nail polish out of Marie's eye, they'll pounce on the Eds."

Hannah stifles a giggle. "Nail polish? Ew." She stands up, eyeing the bully in front of her. "What do you want?"

Dana stuffs his hands into the pocket of his hoodie, shrugging. "You offered to tango, so I'm taking you up on your offer."

Hannah snorts, hooking her thumbs in the pockets of her jeans. "I assume you read up on that song. Tango with you? As if! Besides, I don't even know how to tango, thankyouverymuch." She says sarcastically, running a hand through her hair. "You know, the same song is running through my head now that did when I met Kevin."

Dana raises an eyebrow. "And what song would that be, darlin'?"

Hannah smirks, choosing to ignore the 'darlin''. She slowly takes steps around the boy, her eyes wide and innocent and her hands clasped politely behind her back. "Happy birthday…to you." She sings slowly.

Dana looks confused as he swivels around to face her.

"Happy birthday…to you!" She continues, stopping her circle when they have traded places.

Dana's face changes to an angry one, anticipating what comes next.

"You…look like a…MONKEY!" She giggles, whipping around and racing off to the trailer, leaving Dana behind her, growling and pulling his hands out of his pockets. "And you smell like one too!" She shrieks over her shoulder, diving behind the trailer.

Dana follows her, his face red and furious and his arms held straight at his sides.

Hannah, hearing him coming, quickly yanks open

the back door and squeezes inside.

Dana skids around the corner and frowns, not seeing her anywhere. Blowing his hair frustratedly, he growls. "You can run, sweetheart, but you can't hide from me." He murmurs, reaching for the door.

Inside, Hannah, hearing the handle turn, yelps and races to the nearest door, opening it and sliding in just as the door opens. Slamming the door shut with a squeak, she quickly sits down, feeling something skinny and warm under her. "OW!"

"Yipe!" Hannah yelps, turning her head to look behind her. "Sorry…" She winces. "Didn't know you guys were in here."

Double-D gasps, croaking a response. "It's perfectly alright...but if you wouldn't mind…"

Hannah slaps a hand to her forehead, quickly shifting her weight to try to get off of Double-D. Leaning over, she accidentally loses her balance and falls on top of Eddy with a small yelp.

"Gah! Lose some weight, elephant!" He gripes, shoving her off of him into Ed's lap.

Hannah gasps. "Eddy…that was mean." She says quietly, self-consciously putting her hands on her stomach.

Ed huffs, quietly moving Hannah to the floor at his side. "Yeah, Eddy. You're as wide as a pole."

Double-D raises an eyebrow. "A pole, Ed?"

Ed nods once, folding his arms and looking away. "Yep.

Eddy snorts. "Am not!"

Hannah leans against the wall, stretching her legs out, then yelping as they bang against the walk. "Dang. This place is small…why're you guys in here?" She asks, putting her hands behind her head.

Eddy snorts. "Why do you think? We ran in here to hide while they were distracted with Dana."

Hannah sighs. "There's got to be a way to make them stop!"

Double-D taps his fingers together, thinking. "Some sort of bribery may suffice, but I doubt they'll wait long enough to consider our terms. Reverse psychology has been proven to not work."

Hannah continues thinking, then speaks slowly. "What do you guys think about killing them with kindness?"  
Eddy scoffs, waving a hand in the air. "They'll never fall for that!"

Double-D nods. "For once, Eddy's right. It's too much like reverse psychology."

Ed suddenly speaks up, his eyes fixated in a blank stare. "Music may soothe the savage beast!"

Hannah sits up straight. "Ed, say that again!" She says excitedly.

"What?

"What you just said!"

"Oh!" He grins, striking a dignified pose. "What?"

Hannah sighs, giggling a little. "Never mind. Look, music soothes the savage beast! The Kankers are savage beasts, so why don't we soothe them with music?"

Double-D quickly claps a hand over Eddy's mouth, stifling the cursing that was about to overflow. "Music? Hannah, be reasonable. The Kankers wouldn't stop long enough for you to catch their attention!"

Hannah's face falls and she slumps against the wall. "Oh well, it was worth a try. Thanks Ed." She says, patting the now sniveling Ed boy on the shoulder. "So what do we do now?" She asks quietly.

Double-D slowly sits up, beckoning Hannah to come closer. "Would you be willing to do a little acting?" He asks when Hannah leans her head towards him.

She grins. "Would I ever! What do I do?"


	8. The chase

Soon after that, Hannah quietly slips out of the closet, whispering a small "Good luck!" to her friends before tiptoeing to the back door and sliding out.

Inside the closet, Double-D, panting, beckons his friends to look at an open hole in the floor of the closet. "An air vent, gentlemen." He says, nodding proudly. "Hannah and I dislodged it a minute ago, while you two were so preoccupied with making those obscene drawings on the wall." He says, his eyes dropping to half lids as the two boys giggle. "As I was saying…this is our means of escape. Hannah has left to draw Dana away from the trailer, so we shall climb through the vents until he find a door to the outside. Then we slip through and meet Hannah at the cul-de-sac. Unviolated, unmarred, and untouched." He finishes triumphantly.

Eddy blinks, folding his arms. "I ain't going in there. It's disgusting!"

Double-D looks at Ed, and Eddy soon follows suit. They both smile and pounce on the unfortunate friend.

A small tussle later, Double-D stands behind Ed, holding him up by his ankles. Eddy sits on the bulky boy's shoulders, his hands clamped on his ears. Ed giggles, balancing on his hands. "This is fun!"

Double-D winces, his knees shaking from Ed's weight. "Okay Eddy, please go!"

Eddy laughs. "Gotcha Double-D!" He yells before pulling both of Ed's ears with a yank. Suddenly, Ed's eyes light up with a bright flash and his mouth opens. With a whoosh of air, he runs down into the vent, breathing in and taking all of the dust and dirt into his cheeks, which slowly begin to swell out.

Double-D yelps, flying after him with his feet off of the ground and his knuckles white as he tries to prevent himself from falling.

Eddy yells, leaning back and almost falling off with the speed. "Whoa! Ed! Slow down!"

Having calmed down, Marie flops down on the couch, holding a huge ice pack to her eye. "This is all your fault, Lee!" She snaps, shoving May away as she tries to get near her. "Back off, stupid."

May sniffles, sitting down on the floor with a loud thump.

Lee frowns, folding her arms and leaning against the wall. She opens her mouth to say something when more thumping sounds through the trailer. She glares at May, standing up. "May! Quit that banging!"

May looks up at her sister, looking very confused. "I'm not doing it, Lee!"

Marie suddenly points at the ceiling, shrieking. "Holy Toledo! It's coming from up there!"

May's eyes narrow and she jumps to her feet, racing to a corner and jerking up another grate. "Those better not be mice!" She snarls, jumping into the pipe.

A ways away from the new opening, Ed slows down, his cheeks, full with dust, scraping the sides of the pipe. Finally, he stops; Eddy looking annoyedly over his head. "Why'd you stop, lummox?"

Ed mumbles a reply, dirt dribbling out of the corner of his mouth.

Double-D sticks out his tongue, his eyes crossing. "Ed, please!" He pleads, looking disgusted.

Eddy sighs, hopping over Ed's swollen cheeks. "Calm down, sockhead. Just gotta change the bag." Reaching over his friend's back, he grabs an unseen zipper and unzips the back of Ed's head.

Double-D watches with interest, his mouth open in amazement. "Riveting! Eddy, how did you know to do that?" He asks.

Eddy shrugs. "My brother taught me how to take the bags out of vacuums and pop 'em."

Double-D sighs. "Small minds," He mumbles, watching dully as Eddy removes a large bag from the back of Ed's head. Tossing it to his feet with a loud thump, he bounces back onto Ed's shoulders. "Ready, Ed?" He calls, grasping his ears again.

"Roger donut!" Ed giggles, galloping forward with a lurch and a yelp from Double-D.

May runs through the piped, her heels kicking up dust with every step. Her eyes narrow and her fists clench. "You better not find my stash!" She yells, speeding up.

"Stash…Better not find my…stash…" echoes through the pipe, making Double-D squeal with fright. "Oh dear! We've been found, gentlemen!"


	9. The freedom

Hannah, hands in her pockets, sidles nonchalantly around the fence bordering the trailer park. Eyes flitting side-to-side betray her nervousness. Spying Dana a few feet away from her with his back turned, she runs a hand through her hair and takes a deep breath before walking up to him and grasping his hand to twirl him to face her. "Hey baby." She says quietly, ignoring his expression of surprise. "You know, it takes two to tango." She says almost shyly, letting a small smile cross her features.

Blinking, Dana smirks, looking slightly suspicious. "I thought you liked those loser Eds."

Hannah sighs, letting her eyes go sad and letting go of his hand. "No, not anymore. They're jerks…look at what Double-D and Eddy did to me!" She sobs, lifting up her bangs to reveal a slightly bruised goose egg on her forehead. Truthfully, while helping Double-D lift up the grate in the floor she had bonked her head on the wall. Pouting, she prays he'll take the bait.

Dana's eyes soften. "Aw, my poor little darlin'. Here, let's go into town, I'll buy you come candy."

Hannah lets her bangs fall back over her head, smiling faintly. "Thanks."

As they turn away, she sneaks a glance over her shoulder at the trailer, sending good thoughts in her friends' direction.

Continuing to run, Ed suddenly lets out a giggle of delight, followed by a munching noise as he completely stops.

Double-D, gratefully stopping, puts a hand to his stomach as he tries to breathe easier.

Eddy growls. "Why'd you stop again?" He snaps.

Ed looks up, his cheeks full with dirt and half of a hot-dog sticking out of his mouth. "Food, Eddy! I was hungry."

Double-D squints, walking over to the pile of food and ducking under Ed's cheek in the process. As the other boys squabble, he muses, one hand to his chin. "Food? Why would…oh no." He freezes, scared now. "Eddy, we have to find an exit. Quickly!"

"Why?" Eddy asks annoyedly.

"Didn't you hear the echo before? That must have been May, and this must be her stash!" Double-D squeals in answer.

Eddy yelps, beginning to sweat. "Quick, Ed! Hurry! Let's go!"

The space narrows between the rampaging girl and the scrambling Ed-boys. May sniffs, smelling a familiar scent. "IT'S THE EDS!" She yells excitedly, screeching to a halt and hammering a hole in the vent. "Guys!" She yells, poking her head out into the living room and grinning at her sisters. "You guys, get up here! It's the Eds, they're getting a-OW!" She yells, suddenly being mowed over by a charging Ed, Edd and Eddy.

"Excuse us!" Double-D class over his shoulder as they pass.

May lands on the floor of the trailer, her fists clenched. "We have to get them, Lee! They ate my stash!"

Lee nods, jerking Marie up off of the couch and grabbing May as she passes her. "Let's go, girls." She says evilly, moving towards the open vent and dragging her sisters with her.

In the town, Hannah and Dana sit side-by-side on the sidewalk in front of the candy shop, Hannah placidly licking a fireball and Dana loudly chomping on gum.

"So…how'd you lose that tooth?" Hannah asks, trying to keep him interested.

Dana smirks, leaning back on his hands. "It's a long story, sugar. I was ridin' my bike, see, and I went off a jump…"

Hannah cuts him off, laughing. "Let me guess. Fell flat on your face?"

Dana glares at her fiercely, making her fall silent. "NO! I landed on my feet, but the bike tripped me and I fell and hit a rock." He says annoyedly, blowing a bubble and letting it pop noisily.

Hannah winces at the pop, regaining her composure quickly. "That must have hurt…thanks for the fireball." She says, fluttering her eyelashes behind her glasses.

"According to my calculations," Double-D shouts above the snarling of the sisters behind him and the pounding of Ed's hands on the pipe, "there should be a small exit just ahead! If we escape one at a time, we should be able to all get out in time! Knowing the Kankers, they'll try to get out all at once and get stuck!"

"Okay! Tally-ho!" Eddy yells, leaning forward on Ed's shoulders like a jockey.

A few minutes later, there is a sudden yelp from Double-D. "There it is! Sanctuary!" He shouts excitedly, spying light ahead.

"YAY!" Ed yells, spewing a clod of dirt into the air. Eddy and Double-D both duck. "Ed, shut your mouth!" Eddy demands, giving his ears a jerk.

Coming closer to the small square of dimming light, Eddy vaults over his friend's shoulder and springs through, landing on the ground.

After a few seconds, Ed follows, landing on Eddy and flattening him.

Double-D skids a stop and starts to jump out, only to be pulled back in with a squeal. "Eddy! Help me!" He pleads, both hands gripping either side of the pipe.

"Come to mama!" "Get 'em, Marie!" This an evil laughter echoes from the pipe, making Eddy and Ed freeze with fear.

Marie pulls on Double-D's ankles harder, giggling. "Quit squirming!" She snaps as he struggles to pull himself out of the pipe. "Eddy! DO SOMETHING!" He yelps, his skinny arms straining against the pull.

Lee and May sigh and grab their sister, pulling with her and giggling maniacally.

Eddy stands stock-still, frightened out of his mind. His eyes bug out of his head as he stares at the scene in front of him.

Ed finally takes a running leap at the pipe, grabbing Double-D's hat and pulling him out with a sharp jerk.

All three sisters yelp, being pulled forward and getting stuck in the pipe much like when they appeared in Jonny's wall. "Hey! GET BACK HERE!" Lee roars, one hand flailing in the air helplessly as Ed quickly grabs Eddy and speeds off to the cul-de-sac.

Back where Hannah and Dana sit on the sidewalk, Hannah finishes her fireball, licking her fingers. The air is tense, neither of them having said a word since Dana's answer to Hannah's thanks for the candy. The girl sighs boredly for the 46th time, making Dana growl. "Would you quit it?" He shouts, jumping to his feet.

Hannah blinks and opens her mouth to protest, them remembers her act. "D-Do what, honey?" She asks sweetly, imitating Jimmy's small voice.

Dana sighs. "My sisters are so gonna pay." He grumbles, blowing another bubble as he sits down grumpily.

A few minutes later, Hannah hears footsteps running towards them. Turning her head slightly so as not to arouse Dana from his daydream, she grins upon seeing the Eds at a distance. "Well, Dana," She says, stretching and standing up. "I gotta go. My ride is here."

"What?" Dana asks, confused. "What ride?"  
"This one." Hannah replies, sticking a hand out straight to her side. After a few quiet moments, the Eds run by, Double-D catching hold on Hannah's hand and pulling her along with them. "It's called, the Tango: Maureen!" Hannah sings as she throws one arm up in the air, holding the last vowel as Double-D calls after them. "You'll find your sisters stuck in the air vent, Dana. Better luck next time!"

Standing, Dana clenches his fists, his face turning red with anger. "That was a dirty trick, jerks." He grumbles, turning dejectedly to rescue his sisters.


	10. The CAR

Stopping the middle of the cul-de-sac, Eddy jumps from Ed's grip and lands on his feet, grinning and throwing his hands in the air. "We did it! That was genius, guys!"

Double-D gently loosens Ed's grip on his hat, stepping down onto the pavement gingerly. "Yes, well… I hope we won't have any more circumstances like this o-"

"Uh…guys?" Ed interrupts, staring blankly down the street.

"Not now, Ed. Listen, I got the perfect idea for a scam!" Eddy proclaims, looking at Hannah with raised eyebrows. "How do you look in a swimsuit?"  
Hannah gasps, coloring. "EDDY!" She and Double-D chorus, "What kind of question is that?" Both demand, glaring at their friend.

"Guys? Car!" Ed says while pointing, his voice more worried now and his eyebrow knitted together.

"Ed! Shut up!" Eddy growls. "It was just a question…" He whimpers to Hannah as she smirks.

"You know absolutely nothing about girls, do you, Eddy?" She asks sarcastically, crossing her arms.

Eddy looks outraged, his mouth falling open. "What? All the chicks dig me!"

Hannah snorts, singing quietly. "Cause the chicks dig it…"

"Guys? CAR!" Ed shouts one last time, watching with worried eyes as his friends get mowed over by a car circling the cul-de-sac.

"ED!" Eddy shouts, his voice muffled because of his currently flattened state.

Hannah groans, her glasses broken. "Ed, why didn't you warn us?"

"I did, guys, I really did!" The boy whimpers, helping all of his friends to their feet.

"You're going to get it, Ed!" Eddy yells, chasing after Ed on his flat feet as Hannah and Double-D laugh.

"Is he always like this?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Narcissistic indeed!" They chorus, giggling together.

THE ED!

Author's note: Although I am in love with most of the songs Hannah sings in this, I do not own any of them. So don't sue me!


End file.
